i got a promo of his new CD/DVD, and I swear to K, when I was watching the DVD, I literally fell out of my chair from laughter. "Sexpert" is easily one of the most hilarious things ever.
"women like danger. if they could, they'd date fire!'
"A woman is like a vase. If a vase had titties."
"Women like five things. Chocolate. Dick. Chocolate dick! Hmmm...get to work!'
http://www.subpop.com/scripts/main/down ... ov&mid=374
OMK Eugene Mirman
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ChrisLovesYou
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mr_j
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some jokes heard on his latest album. i'm not sure if he's actually funny or not. it's kind of 'funny,but not 'ha-ha' funny.' your opinions, pls KTHX
"i was born in russia and i came here when i was four and a half, and people always ask me if i know how to swear. and i don't! because i came here as a little boy and my parents were never like, 'hey, clean your room, you little cunt!"
"where i lived in edinburgh, there was this alleyway. and there were these homeless people in them, but they look like wizards. and they're like, 'spare a pound to go back in time?' ONLY IF YOU PROMISE TO STOP HITLER!
'i wonder how old Truth or Dare is. i bet the first dare was probably like a caveman daring a cavewoman to throw a burning stick at a monster. and i bet that she was like, 'ummm..okay, truth.' and then he was like, 'heeey, what's your biggest fantasy?' and then she's like, 'agriculture!'
"you know how dogs are 'man's best friend?' but where are all your dog friends when its time to move?"
"you know how when people sneeze, you can be like 'gesundheit' or 'bless you,' but when people cough, there's nothing you can really say? So I have a thing, when people cough, i go, 'STOP IT!'"
"i wish there was a store where you could beat up animals."
"i was born in russia and i came here when i was four and a half, and people always ask me if i know how to swear. and i don't! because i came here as a little boy and my parents were never like, 'hey, clean your room, you little cunt!"
"where i lived in edinburgh, there was this alleyway. and there were these homeless people in them, but they look like wizards. and they're like, 'spare a pound to go back in time?' ONLY IF YOU PROMISE TO STOP HITLER!
'i wonder how old Truth or Dare is. i bet the first dare was probably like a caveman daring a cavewoman to throw a burning stick at a monster. and i bet that she was like, 'ummm..okay, truth.' and then he was like, 'heeey, what's your biggest fantasy?' and then she's like, 'agriculture!'
"you know how dogs are 'man's best friend?' but where are all your dog friends when its time to move?"
"you know how when people sneeze, you can be like 'gesundheit' or 'bless you,' but when people cough, there's nothing you can really say? So I have a thing, when people cough, i go, 'STOP IT!'"
"i wish there was a store where you could beat up animals."
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ChrisLovesYou
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"I just signed up for a credit card online, and you know how they ask you for your mother's maiden name? Well, I got to pick the question they ask me, so now when I call, they have to ask me what I'm wearing, and I have to tell them I DON'T THINK THAT'S APPROPRIATE!"
i'm the law of the land, i got ga-ga-ga-ga-guh-guh-girls on the command
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NerfHerder
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