Forkers Central

Two fish are in a tank. One fish says to the other,"you drive and I'll man the guns".

. . . and the psychiatrist says, "Clearly, I can see your nuts."


- Mere "you're nuts" 1975

if justin were nuts he's be

I've always figured I have an inner pec-a-leck-en

actually, I'm probably more aqua-batty

actually, I'm probably more aqua-batty

i wish the sky and grass really looked like that. that would be nice.

Two fish are in a tank. One fish says to the other,"you drive and I'll man the guns".

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

There once was a bus conductor that had a very ill tempered... uh... temperment. One day a lady got on the bus without paying her fare. The bus conductor completely lost it and screamed at her. He screamed every obsenity he could imagine. The lady still refused to pay her fare. Now he started slapping her. He slapped her head, her shoulders, her back, her face and pretty much everywhere else. Even some parts we can't talk about. She still refused to pay her fare. Then he killed her.

He was quickly arrested and brought to trial. At the trial they presented witnesses, many of them credible, including a pastor, a doctor and even a judge. All of them actually witnessed the abuse and eventual murder. The prosecution had video of the actual crime. They had the murder weapon and they even had a confession the bus conductor gave during his interrogation. Fortunately, the needed none of this as he plead guilty.

The jury then sentenced him to death by electric chair.

On his day of reckoning, he was given one last request by the warden.
"I want one green banana"
He was given the green banana, which he peeled and ate. Then the executioner threw the switch on the warden's command. Sparks flew, lights throughout the prison dimmed and the witnesses gasped. But the bus conductor just sat there with a smile. He didn't even have a single singed hair.

So his execution date was rescheduled. The electric chair was refitted with tighter cuffs, new wires and new conduits. When the date of the bus conductor's came, he was led to the death chamber where he was seated upon the newly refurbished electric chair. And again, he was asked by the warden if he had any last requests.
"I want one green banana."
He was given a green banana, which he peeled and ate. And then again, the warden gave a nod to the executioner and the switch was thrown. And again, sparks flew, lights dimmed thorugh the prison and the witnesses gasped.
And there sat the bus conductor with a big smile. Not a single mark left on him from the ordeal.

So once more his exection date was pushed back. This time the warden ordered a brand new electric chair. It was the most expensive and impressive electric chair on the market. Beautiful wood, gold wire and conduits, lovely leather straps... and it came with the capacity to deliver the most severe, most drastic, most lethal shock of all electric chairs ever known.

Once more the bus conductor was brought to the death chamber. He was promptly seated and strapped in. All the connection were double checked and secured. And once again the warden granted one last request.
"I want one green banana" says the bus conductor.
He was given one green banana which he peeled and ate. At then the warden gave the executioner the signal and he flipped the switch. This time the room filed with sparks, the lights went black and the witnesses screamed. The room filled with smoke as the chair delivered the most severe, most drastic, most lethal shock of all electric chairs.

When the smoke cleared... there sat the bus conductor with an even bigger smile. This time he actually chuckled to himself because he knew that there was a law that stated that if any prisoner could survive the electric chair three times, then he was to be pardoned and released. The warden had no choice but to set him free.

Afterwards there was a press conference and one of the reporters asked the newly pardoned bus driver "Is there some secret to the green bananas?"

"No." he replied. "I've just always been a bad conductor."

Either I'm dense or your message got truncated.

I'm betting I'm just dense.

Either I'm dense or your message got truncated.

I'm betting I'm just dense.

Or maybe it's not funny.

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Did you hear about the guy with five dicks? His pants fit like a glove!

Either I'm dense or your message got truncated.

I'm betting I'm just dense.

Or maybe it's not funny.

I laughed, but that's not saying much; I thought Roaches joke was funny.

Two antennas meet on top of a car and fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was amazing.

There once was a bus conductor that had a very ill tempered... uh... temperment. One day a lady got on the bus without paying her fare. The bus conductor completely lost it and screamed at her. He screamed every obsenity he could imagine. The lady still refused to pay her fare. Now he started slapping her. He slapped her head, her shoulders, her back, her face and pretty much everywhere else. Even some parts we can't talk about. She still refused to pay her fare. Then he killed her.

He was quickly arrested and brought to trial. At the trial they presented witnesses, many of them credible, including a pastor, a doctor and even a judge. All of them actually witnessed the abuse and eventual murder. The prosecution had video of the actual crime. They had the murder weapon and they even had a confession the bus conductor gave during his interrogation. Fortunately, the needed none of this as he plead guilty.

The jury then sentenced him to death by electric chair.

On his day of reckoning, he was given one last request by the warden.
"I want one green banana"
He was given the green banana, which he peeled and ate. Then the executioner threw the switch on the warden's command. Sparks flew, lights throughout the prison dimmed and the witnesses gasped. But the bus conductor just sat there with a smile. He didn't even have a single singed hair.

So his execution date was rescheduled. The electric chair was refitted with tighter cuffs, new wires and new conduits. When the date of the bus conductor's came, he was led to the death chamber where he was seated upon the newly refurbished electric chair. And again, he was asked by the warden if he had any last requests.
"I want one green banana."
He was given a green banana, which he peeled and ate. And then again, the warden gave a nod to the executioner and the switch was thrown. And again, sparks flew, lights dimmed thorugh the prison and the witnesses gasped.
And there sat the bus conductor with a big smile. Not a single mark left on him from the ordeal.

So once more his exection date was pushed back. This time the warden ordered a brand new electric chair. It was the most expensive and impressive electric chair on the market. Beautiful wood, gold wire and conduits, lovely leather straps... and it came with the capacity to deliver the most severe, most drastic, most lethal shock of all electric chairs ever known.

Once more the bus conductor was brought to the death chamber. He was promptly seated and strapped in. All the connection were double checked and secured. And once again the warden granted one last request.
"I want one green banana" says the bus conductor.
He was given one green banana which he peeled and ate. At then the warden gave the executioner the signal and he flipped the switch. This time the room filed with sparks, the lights went black and the witnesses screamed. The room filled with smoke as the chair delivered the most severe, most drastic, most lethal shock of all electric chairs.

When the smoke cleared... there sat the bus conductor with an even bigger smile. This time he actually chuckled to himself because he knew that there was a law that stated that if any prisoner could survive the electric chair three times, then he was to be pardoned and released. The warden had no choice but to set him free.

Afterwards there was a press conference and one of the reporters asked the newly pardoned bus driver "Is there some secret to the green bananas?"

"No." he replied. "I've just always been a bad conductor."

what a beautiful bedtime story. thanks dad. you are the ga-dunk-ga-dunk.