The "Teddy" Bears

[Dalya]

Just watched The Teddy Bears (1907) for my film class and it is FUNNY AS HELL. If you can somehow find it online or at a store you should watch it. Possibly drunk or stoned, although you don't have to be. If you will never watch it, here's the synopsis, which is almost as funny as actually watching it.



The Teddy Bears (1907) combines the story of "Goldilocks & the Three Bears" with the story of Teddy Roosevelt's famous hunting incident, when he spared a bear cub, giving rise to the "Teddy Bear" as a popular toy.

The bears are represented by costumed actors. In the opening scene, rowdy Baby Bear proves rather rambunctious for Mama Bear & Papa Bear to manage, but finally they get a reign on him & drag him by an ear inside their lovely country cottage. While they leave for church, the thieving hellion Goldilocks breaks into their cottage, eats their food, makes fun of their family photos, then looks through a knothole into a locked room & sees a family of dancing teddy bears! The teddies seem to know she's peeping at them, as they look straight at the peep hole before they begin doing their acrobatic chorus line routine. (BEST PART - SO FUCKING WEIRD.)

The Bear famiy returns home, put on their nightclothes & start off to bed when lo & behold there's a human girl in Baby Bear's bed. Goldilocks leaps out of bed & jumps through the window, stealing one of Baby Bear's beloved teddy bears. The Bears pursue the thief over the snowy countryside.

After an extensive chase scene, Goldilocks encounters none other than Theodore Roosevelt on a hunt. Despite that Papa Bear is wearing clothes & glasses & carrying a cane, Roosevelt shoots him dead. Then Momma Bear is shot dead in her dress & apron. The newly orphaned Baby Bear falls to his knees & begs for his life, so is put on a leash & doomed to life in captivity.

Goldilocks takes Roosevelt to the Bear's pleasant country cottage where she's permitted to steal all the remaining toy bears, while the leashed Baby Bear can do nothing more than hope to live out the day. If there's a Hell, Goldilocks is going there.

Uhhhh... crazy and awesome. Way to have a sense of Humor in 1907, McCutcheon and Porter.

(synopsis stolen from http://www.weirdwildrealm.com/f-edwinporter8.html )