"Oh Noes, I Have A Wasporz In My Roooooom! (HELP!)"
Posted: Tue Aug 01, 2006 9:31 am
Pff. Please, sista.
We had a mothafuckin' bat all up in this hizzy.
Here now is the tale of the bat and how it came to be vanquished out of the land in which it attempted to conquer.
OR
How everybody in the world got rabies (part 1)
The time: 3:00 AM (technically Tuesday)
Location: My bedroom
Doings: Talking about: things.
It was late. Out of the corner of my eye, my floundering eyelids caught a fleeting glimpse of a flutter. A rather large bug, I suspect, is cating a nasty shadow upon my wall. But no!
"I am no mere shadow," said the shadow, "I am a bat," finished the bat.
"What are you doing here?" My curiosity was unlike his. Mine, in defensive status as this animal had obviously entered my domicile without my express written consent and was therefore cunning enough to disobey my latent will.
"I'm just fuckin' shit up, old school," the bat said as it continued to flutter about the top of the room. After several swoops, the bat happened to leave the room and enter that of my roommate.
"Oh shits" were distributed equally throughout the party of three housemates.
"What do we do with a bat in our house?"
"How do we get it out?"
"Well how did it get in?"
"The bathroom window doesn't have a screen..."
"What do you mean?"
"But, like, it's open because of...like ventilation."
The Bat lured itself downstairs. This was the beginning of the end for the mighty bat.
With The Bat downstairs, my roommates and I garbed ourselves in our finest war clothes. Even though it 90 degrees here, in long sleeved attire did we march. Some of us with buckets and brooms, others with foam #1 fingers and laundry baskets, we herded the beast in cirlces until, again, it charged back upstairs.
My curly-haired roommate then opened the front door(s) and we waited. I in one doorway, the curly-haired one holding the door open and the long-haired fella in the other doorway. The lines were set. Battle only had to commence...
AND THEN THE BAT CAME AT US. Each of us swatting like mad, the foam finger made contact with the bat in the right wing. The long-haired one guarding the other door made a valiant effort with the broom that shan't be forgotton by the legions of future broom fighters who have much to learn. His parries and jabs will not go forgotton by the makers of the statue in this realm.
Knowing its doom was at hand as soon as it made the smallest mistake, the bat knew it was fighting a losing battle. It decided that this would be better if it were to end in a draw. The Bat then immediately headed toward the open door and freedom. We were glad to be gone of it. And it was glad to have survived against the nightiest the humans have to offer.
We had a mothafuckin' bat all up in this hizzy.
Here now is the tale of the bat and how it came to be vanquished out of the land in which it attempted to conquer.
OR
How everybody in the world got rabies (part 1)
The time: 3:00 AM (technically Tuesday)
Location: My bedroom
Doings: Talking about: things.
It was late. Out of the corner of my eye, my floundering eyelids caught a fleeting glimpse of a flutter. A rather large bug, I suspect, is cating a nasty shadow upon my wall. But no!
"I am no mere shadow," said the shadow, "I am a bat," finished the bat.
"What are you doing here?" My curiosity was unlike his. Mine, in defensive status as this animal had obviously entered my domicile without my express written consent and was therefore cunning enough to disobey my latent will.
"I'm just fuckin' shit up, old school," the bat said as it continued to flutter about the top of the room. After several swoops, the bat happened to leave the room and enter that of my roommate.
"Oh shits" were distributed equally throughout the party of three housemates.
"What do we do with a bat in our house?"
"How do we get it out?"
"Well how did it get in?"
"The bathroom window doesn't have a screen..."
"What do you mean?"
"But, like, it's open because of...like ventilation."
The Bat lured itself downstairs. This was the beginning of the end for the mighty bat.
With The Bat downstairs, my roommates and I garbed ourselves in our finest war clothes. Even though it 90 degrees here, in long sleeved attire did we march. Some of us with buckets and brooms, others with foam #1 fingers and laundry baskets, we herded the beast in cirlces until, again, it charged back upstairs.
My curly-haired roommate then opened the front door(s) and we waited. I in one doorway, the curly-haired one holding the door open and the long-haired fella in the other doorway. The lines were set. Battle only had to commence...
AND THEN THE BAT CAME AT US. Each of us swatting like mad, the foam finger made contact with the bat in the right wing. The long-haired one guarding the other door made a valiant effort with the broom that shan't be forgotton by the legions of future broom fighters who have much to learn. His parries and jabs will not go forgotton by the makers of the statue in this realm.
Knowing its doom was at hand as soon as it made the smallest mistake, the bat knew it was fighting a losing battle. It decided that this would be better if it were to end in a draw. The Bat then immediately headed toward the open door and freedom. We were glad to be gone of it. And it was glad to have survived against the nightiest the humans have to offer.
